The Trouble with Facebook

I recently received this very personal email from Mark Zuckerberg:

Hi Kerstin,You haven’t visited KV Design in a while and there are some quick things you can do to build interest in your Page:Post a new update or photo.Make sure all the parts of your Page are completed, including profile picture, cover photo, and about section.See our Page posting tips to increase engagement on your Page.    

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

Um thanks. First of all, I know how to post a picture and make an update. I use this product personally to a point that is probably unhealthy. I have this sick masochist desire to look at everyone’s amazing life (but no doubt culled and edited) and get jealous and bitter. Seriously people, enough with your trips to exotic places filled with sand, surf, pyramids, delicious food and whatever else awesome there is not available to me. I’ll be lucky if I can rustle up a week this year to stay at my parents’ apartment at the Jersey shore. And how do so many people have time to train and run marathons? I can barely get to the grocery store and feed my family.

To add insult to injury, every week I get a weekly page update with “insights” (their word not mine) about KV Design. It frequently includes red minus percentages showing me that I am not “trending” (again, their word) and my weekly reach is pathetic. I know I should leverage FB better. I’m a designer so I guess I should be pretty up on this social media thing, but honestly it’s exhausting. And I’d much rather look at and post baby pictures than try and make my company “trend.” It feels fake and sort of needy. No one reads sponsored posts and whenever I see a business-y post, my eyes glaze over and I immediately go in search of a good cat video.

So the irony of all this, is that I will post this blog post to FB and some people (namely my mom) will read it. So I’ll be trending with the Vogdes family, which I doubt is much of an accomplishment in the FB analytics department. But maybe this week my my weekly reach will be in the black. I guess I should finish this with “Like me” on FB. Desperate (and strangely meta) I know.